Sad but True
by Jade-Max
Summary: Song Fic. Jaina Solo


Disclaimer: It all belongs to the mighty George – I'm just playing.

Title: Sad but True

Author: JadeMax

Characters: I couldn't decide... Jaina?

Timeframe: NJOish - Post NJOish?

Summary: Challenge entry for the song-fic roulette. This song was a real toughie.

Notes: Shorter than most of my song fics ;) - song words in italics. For a Song-fic roulette, and song I got was "Sad but True" by Metallica

**Sad but True**

_I'm your life  
I'm the one who takes you there_

_I'm your life  
I'm the one who cares _

She sometimes wonders if she's alone in the galaxy. Staring out into the vastness of space through the canopy of her, she feels cold, as if something is missing. Something important. She has loved and lost several times now in her young life. She has loved wildness, she has loved the disciplined.

_They betray  
I'm your only true friend now  
They'll betray  
I'm forever there_

In the end neither had loved her enough to stick around and help her through this. Neither had stood up when she needed them and said, "Yes, she's a good person." or "Yes, I'd be under her command in a heartbeat." No, neither had done that. They'd stayed silent, enemies made from spite. They seemed determined to see her fail. No, the only people she'd been able to count on through the whole fiasco had been her family.

At least, so she'd thought.

_You're my mask   
You're my cover, my shelter  
You're my mask  
You're the one who's blamed_

No one sees inside her. No one sees the pain. She wears a mask, a cover, hiding everything, hiding who she really is. She hides the pain behind smiles without sincerity. She hides the loneliness behind flippant conversation.

She hides because she knows that if they saw what she was truly feeling, what she was truly thinking, they would have deserted her too.

_Do my work  
Do my dirty work, scapegoat  
Do my deeds  
For you're the one who's shamed_

She does what she has to when it comes to survival. She scrounges, and ekes out a living, surviving on other's emotional leftovers. She feels like a sponge, breaking up happiness when she sees it because it's too painful to bear.

She had the chance at happiness, she had the chance and threw it away. She threw it away for fame. She gave it away for the promise fortune. She'd thought both would make her happy, instead she'd found misery. She'd found shame.

_I'm your dream, make you real  
I'm your eyes when you must steal  
I'm your pain when you can't feel  
Sad but true_

_I'm your dream, mind astray  
I'm your eyes while you're away  
I'm your pain while you repay  
You know it's sad but true_

Sometimes she doesn't know if she's sleeping or awake. She wonders what things would have been like, makes up elaborate tales about what could have been; what should have been. She'd taken another woman's man and felt nothing, not even elation or that thrill success is supposed to bring.

She'd felt dirty, like a thief, the little voices in the back of her head berating her for such childish acts. Berating her for living when others better than she should never have died.

The inner demon doesn't let her sleep.

_I'm your hate  
I'm your hate when you want love  
Pay the price  
Pay, for nothing's fair_

I'm your life  
I'm the one who took you here  
I'm your life  
And I no longer care

She's been paying for everything since the day she was born. Paying for respect, for love, for acceptance. She's been paying for her name, her birthright, her heritage. She's been paying for every taste of the silver spoon.

Now, her hopes drained, her aspirations in ashes, she wonders if the price wasn't too high.

And realizes she's too empty to care.

_I'm your truth, telling lies  
I'm your reasoned alibis  
I'm inside open your eyes  
I'm you_

As she stares across the stars, a single tear slides down her cheeks.

She's no longer the hero, the golden girl.

She's a broken, bitter, jaded individual who lies to fill the gap in her middle. She's a lonely, calloused woman who rationalizes her life, making excuses for the way it has gone, and the way it continues to go.

She is living a lie; she is not the hero people think her to be.

She is a weak, broken soul waiting to be healed. But no one is listening.

No one but that demon, that person inside her that refuses to let her die. No one except herself…

_Sad but true_

Fin


End file.
